"Mild Self-Diagnosed Depression"

Hello my dear internet friends, 

In the first semester of university, I really wasn’t sure if I wanted to stick with my course or not. I was not enjoying it and it was a lot more hard work than I expected. I came to uni with the expectation that a full-time course didn’t really mean full-time. That probably does apply to some courses but Occupational Therapy is certainly no easy feat. I’m at uni everyday, all day and study when I get home. 

Anyway, what came along with not enjoying uni, was what I call ‘mild self-diagnosed depression’. For perhaps a month or two I was sad about everything. I had no motivation and often came home from uni crying because I thought that doing OT was something that I was certain about and I began to question that. 

So for this post, I am going to share snippets of a diary entry I wrote when I was going through that rough patch in 2013 in the hope that if you are feeling the same way, you can know that I got through it and now I am loving university.

It gets better.

From 17th April 2013... 
“I find most classes boring and hard and the workload and stress at the moment is really overwhelming me. And for some people, this would motivate them to do heaps of study and do well in tests...but it has the opposite effect on me. I am so unmotivated to study or write assignments, I usually just study a page or so and before I know it, I’ve somehow found my way to YouTube.” 

“I’m breaking down and I have no idea what to do. I just came out of the bath which I had to try and relax and pamper myself. I ended up crying to depressing songs like ‘The Last Day on Earth’.”

“I guess I just feel alone because I’ve been suppressing these thoughts and emotions until tonight. Although I’ve told Mum that I’m not enjoying uni and I don’t know if I want to keep doing it or not. She just said to do it for a year and see what I think then. I agree with her but right now it’s hard to think like that. I feel like I just want to get out and get out now.”

“I honestly don’t know what to do and where to go from here... I guess all I can really do is suck it up and suppress my feelings about everything until I decide what to do with my life right now. I wish I could just run away to London and live a life of travel and adventures. If only...”

And although I would still love to run away to England and explore the rest of the world, I am loving uni and my life a whole lot more right now. England can wait until I graduate.

I hope this post helped you in some way. 
Keep following your dreams.